"Funny Police Quotes"
"The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
stretch out after you
wear them awhile."
"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."
"So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess
that means I can write
anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I
don't think it will
help. Oh, did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not
to do that again or
I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether
you are drunk or
not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"
"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife
gets a toaster oven."
"Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid."
"No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have
quotas, but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"Just how big were those two beers?
"In God we trust, all others are suspects."
Courtroom Laugh
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer
during a felony trial
- it went like this:
Q. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching
the description of
the offender running several blocks away.
Q. Officer, who provided this description?
A. The officer who responded to the scene.
Q. A fellow officer provided the description of this so-
called offender. Do
you trust your fellow officers?
A. Yes sir, with my life.
Q. With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do
you have a locker
room in the police station - a room where you change
your clothes in
preparation for you daily duties?
A. Yes sir, we do.
Q. And do you have a locker in that room?
A. Yes sir, I do.
Q. And do you have a lock on your locker?
A. Yes sir.
Q. Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow
officers with your life,
that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room
you share with those
same officers?
A. You see sir, we share the building with a court
complex, and sometimes
lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
With that, the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a
prompt recess was called.
The officer on the stand has been nominated for this
year's "Best come-back"
line and I think he'll win.
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