"The World According To Us Weight-Watchers"
God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower
and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds,
so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
And the Devil created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought
forth the 79-cent double cheeseburger. And the Devil
said to Man: "You want fries with that?" And Man said:
"Supersize them." And Man gained 5 pounds.
And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might
keep her figure that man found so fair. And the Devil
brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds.
And Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.
And God sent heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil
with which to cook them. And the Devil brought forth
chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.
And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went
through the roof.
And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved
to lose those extra pounds. And the Devil brought
forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not
have to toil to change channels between ESPN and ESPN2.
And Man gained another 20 pounds.
And God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low
in fat and brimming with nutrition. And the Devil
peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy
center into chips and deep-fat fried them. And the
Devil created sour cream dip. And Man clutched his
remote control and ate the potato chips swaddled in
cholesterol. And Man went into cardiac arrest.
And God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
And the Devil canceled Man's health insurance.
God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken
and cook the nourishing whole grain brown rice. And
God created the life-giving tofu. And Woman
ventured forth into the land of Godiva Chocolate and
upon returning, asked Man: "Do I look fat?"
And the man told the truth.
And Woman went out from the presence of man
and dwelt in the land of the divorce lawyer,
east of the marriage counselor.
And Woman put aside the seeds of the earth and took
unto herself comfort food. And God brought forth
Weight-watchers. It didn't help.
And God created exercise machines with easy payments.
And man brought forth his Visa at 21 percent. And
the exercise machine went to dwell in the closet of
Nod, east of the polyester leisure suit. And in the
fullness of time, Woman received the exercise machine
from Man in the property settlement.
It didn't help her, either.
***Moral to this shocking page:
"All of us are loved....
Let's not live to eat,
but eat to live!"
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The Colonel
